Alone

Alone,

joy slows,

storm blows,

fear flows.

Alone to face,

soiled traces,

blank faces,

hard to erase.

Perfection:

Unattainable.

Unyeilding.

Unfeeling.

Isolating.

We learn.

Alone to face disgrace.

We learn.

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Dear Doctor

Renza is from Australia.

Renza has diabetes.

Renza has a lot of good things to share about type 1.

When Renza writes, I listen!

Here, I have reblogged Renza’s recent post about her interactions with her PCP.  Its a great read. Please, check it out. Thanks, Renza!

Dear Doctor.

I loved this post when I read it and thought: Exactly!  If only all of us could be so thoroughly honest with our PCP/HCP.

If only…

Telling the Truth

000to tell the truthI won’t lie, sometimes this weight loss journey I’m on frustrates me.

Some days its tedious.

Some days I get depressed with my slow progress.

I know I need to step it up.

I know I need to do better.

I know I need to journal, count calories, eat less carbs, be more attentive to exercise, push myself a lil harder.

I know all that, and I do some of it some of the time, but I am not a machine.

Is it okay to say that?

I’m not a machine.

Is this diet fatigue I’m feeling, or just a need to get away?

What I know is that I’m a human woman.

I work full-time.

I have projects to attend to outside of work, too.

I have people depending on me.

I have deadlines and relationships, and cooking, baking, cleaning, and shopping to do.

I have weight to lose. I carry it around all day every day and I’m tired of it!

I’m in a chair, on my bum, five days a week from 8am to 4pm. Not many calories being burned during those hours. I do get up and walk around, sometimes I even take an exercise break, but basically the work I do ties me to a chair.

It is what it is, for now.

While I’m whining, can I say that the aging process is no fun.

It’s not.

Today, I’m tired, and I’m frustrated and I got out of bed on the wrong side, and toyed with not getting up at all.

Seriously, I did!

But then, I got up.

I got dressed.

I got in the car and made the commute I make every week day.

I’m at the desk.

I’m upright.

I’m here, but I’m also far away from here.

I think I’m ready for vacation.

Truth be told, I was ready weeks ago!!!

Just being honest…

Where will you go for vacation this year? Are you ready now?

Finish Line Friday

Today is Friday and the end to another busy week.  My coworker has been away vacationing this week, so all the things that I usually have help with at the office, I have had to handle alone.  That’s made for FIVE-DAYS OF CHAOS, with break-neck pacing in what is usually a quiet and serene environment.  My eating has been okay, but not what I would wish it to be, not by a long shot.  I wish that I didn’t feel the urge to eat things that are not good for me.  I wish I hated high fat, fried and soft serve foods.  I wish that food was  not an issue for me, but it is.  It always is. If only I could find a magic wand under some rocks and claim it as my own.  But alas, MAGIC WANDS DON’T EXIST, and easy solutions to food addiction don’t either, so I am left with workable plans and organized support systems to get me through all the food madness.

I want to share some of my current obsessions, urges, cravings and temptation. I do this, in part, hoping that in HONESTLY ADMITTING THAT I STRUGGLE with these things, someone reading this will offer a suggestion, share a strategy, impart something that will help me turn my back on harmful food choices and move on to other, more healthy substances.

One of my BIGGEST STUMBLING BLOCKS with regards to food/drink, is coffee.  Iced coffee to be exact.  I have been able to avoid it while at home and in the office, but when I am out, when I am surfing the web for writing material, when I am composing an essay or penning a poem, yeah, coffee calls to me.  What do I do to turn down the volume?  I can drink tea, but it doesn’t evoke the same feeling in me as a good mug or cup of cold, either hot or iced.  

I do not any longer drink sodas.  I do drink a lot of water, pure spring water, in bottles.

My second food problem is cheap ice cream.  I LOVE A SOFT SERVE CONE off the dollar menu at McD’s or BK.   I have rationalized eating these for a while now, because they are single servings, single flavored and inexpensive.  I have not found them to raise my blood sugar levels, and I have found they satisfy and are better for me than a candy bar or donut.  Am I right?  Are they better?  Are they a good stopgap for more dangerous foods, or am I just fooling myself and substituting bad for bad, food-wise?  What do I need to know about these foods that I don’t know now?  How bad for me are they?  How addictive?

Lately, I’ve felt lazy when it comes to food and moving.  What can I do to change things up, rev my imagination again, stay the course?

Are there certain go-to foods you allow yourself in order to divert your attention from more harmful foods?  How do you change direction when you realize you’ve veered off course?  What encourages you to eat right, when the wrong foods are so easily available?