Everything in life seems harder to accomplish on a bad food day! That’s when all my good intentions turn to chaos.
Take today, for example. I had to deal with some personnel issues at work. Normally, when the food is good, these things are not big issues for me. I do what I have to do, forget about insults or eye-rolls, and go on from there without much drama. Today, though, because the food is calling my name, it is much harder to let bygones be bygones.
When the food is bad, I want to kick a dead horse. I want to hold onto resentments and be as moody as I want to be, for as long as I want to be.
Self will run riot, you say? You got it! On the bad days, its hard to be good.
This week has been a white-knuckle affair. Why, I ask myself? Why, am I having problems with substances that haven’t been problems in a long, long time? Maybe the answer is that the honeymoon is over concerning this diet. I don’t think that is it, because I’ve been doing this for more than a year now, but maybe.
Maybe its hormones. Could be, but I don’t think so.
Maybe it’s because the weekend was long and I have a lot on my plate right now, and I have to deal with trying to dot all those i’s and cross all those t’s without a computer that will work right.
Bingo! That could be it.
Why does work frustration translate into food obsession in my life, you ask? That is the 64 million dollar question, for which I do not have an answer. Just lucky, I guess.
The truth is that I have used food as medicine, and sought comfort in its embrace for too long for it not to come to mind when I’m frustrated.
Triggers are triggers.
To get my mind off the food for a while I have decided to count my blessings. I am thankful for a blog where I can work out my feelings through writing. I am thankful for others who walk this path alongside me. I am thankful for good friends who support me, even when they don’t understand my demons. I am thankful for other bloggers who share some of the same feelings I am writing about today. I am thankful that I am not alone in this struggle, because knowing I am not alone gives me hope.
I know if others have been able to eat sensibly today, I can too. Food is just food, and feelings are just feelings–they do not have to run my life. They only have power enough to tempt me. They cannot take me down. Like so many others, I find I am stronger than I think I am. Fifteen minutes of abstinence turns into thirty minutes, than forty-five minutes, then one hour. Eventually, bedtime comes and I sleep away the obsession. I remind myself: This too shall pass, and it does.
My journey to recovery unfolds one day at a time. One healthy, well-balanced, nutrient-rich, active-without-pain day at a time. For this, I am truly thankful!
What sends you reeling? Do you have a hard time keeping your balance on bad food days? What strategies do you employ to stabilize your food when you’ve gotten off track?