Under the heading “Are You Kidding Me?!”, this:
Textaphrenia: A disease found in teens, in which they have heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
It’s a real thing, people. Look it up! Ugh!
Here is an example of real trouble:
When have you been tempted to lament first world problems? Couldn’t textaphrenia be cured by simply shutting one’s cell phone off?