Guilt and Chicken Wings

000chicken wing-close upLast time I checked in with you guys, I was dealing with guilt over eating 2 small squares of pizza and 2 chicken wings. 

Some of you might say, “Come on. Grow up.  Really?  You ate that much and you’re guilty about it?”

Yep, I am.  I’m also nervous about it.  Nervous because I know me and food.  We have a love/hate relationship that spans decades.

I’m concerned whenever I stray from the food plan I have for myself. That plan was put into place so that I might achieve health and fitness goals that NEED to happen in my life.  However, I’m also aware of the need to remain calm when a decision is made to go off plan, and to analyze why I did it, and what it cost me.

In any attempt to determine what Saturdays pizza and wings cost me, I decided to create a mock-up of what my pizza slice looked like.  I wanted to create a visual for what I truly ate, instead of depending on my imagination or eyeballing to inform me.  I wanted a reality check, so I got out a piece of paper and I began to record what I originally thought was a small piece/square of pizza.

My first attempt was to draw a rectangle that was 2×4″ in size.

I looked at that rectangle and immediately knew my square was bigger than that.

I put another inch on the long end of the rectangle. Now we were getting somewhere.

It still looked smaller than what I remembered eating, so I drew another half-inch onto the side of the rectangle.

Better, but was it right?  Was the slice I ate really that small?

I turned the rectangle side ways.

I picked the paper up and put it to my lips.

Was that the size of the piece I had eaten on the weekend?  It seemed right, or at least close.

Problem is: I ate two “squares” of pizza on Saturday.  Two squares that size, plus 2 chicken wings and a cup of hot tea.

Searching the internet to determine the calories in this serving of lunch was not easy.  From what I could tell, 2 mild buffalo chicken wings is about 110 calories (for both), and a slice of cheese pizza from a small pizza is calculated at 130 calories each, so that’s what I will go with per slice for my pizza eaten (although I am pretty sure I ate less than that, seeing how my slice was smaller and I gave part of the crust to the cat).

The difficulty with knowing how dense the calorie load is with processed foods is evident here, which is why I have moved away from consuming many processed foods. Plus, I don’t like the chemical load I get with much of what I find in already-handled-for-you foods, pizza included. Who knows how much oil they put in the dough, on the dough, or in the sauce when they made that pizza.  And forgetabout the oil in the cheese “product” they slathered on top.

My lunch on Saturday cost me conservatively between 370 and 550 calories.


And when you add in the emotional response I had to eating that little bit of food, the total is much larger.  Plus, it didn’t fill me, and I had to get through the afternoon with cup after cup of hot tea, so that I would not eat again until supper.

Keeping this weight off is not easy.  Losing more weight is not easy.  Staying away from fast food pizza and wings is not easy.  It is worth it, but it’s not easy.

Today, I have declared a wheat-free Wednesday for me.  I’m still trying to escape the damage done on Saturday, and really through the entire weekend.  With company in town, I could have done better. Thank the Lord, one of the wee ones in the house this weekend loves veggies and fresh fruit. I tried to hang with him and soak up his vegetarian ways.  He does like pizza, too, though.  Don’t we all?!


Game Plan Needed!!!

I need a new game plan.

This past weekend, the kiddos come down for a few days. That means 4 more people in the house, and on Saturday, we add another 4: That’s 8 in total for lunch on Saturday, in addition to our regulars. That’s a lot for this country gal who doesn’t do crowds, or feel confident as a hostess.


Having that many additional mouths to feed at lunch time, I resorted to take out and ordered pizza and wings. I know, I know, not good. But I did not pig out on the stuff. I ate two small squares of pizza and two wings, and then called it a day. Rather, a meal. Still, this afternoon I am feeling defeated in my attempts to stay on track when others are in my home.

You can’t believe how quickly 32 pcs of pizza and 2 dozen wings can be inhaled!

I need a game plan that I can slip into place when these things happen. Any suggestions?

How do you stay on track when company comes and it’s mealtime? What do you do to balance out your eating when unexpected multitudes get added to the lunch time roster?

Picture Perfect Food

Finally, I got the camera to sync with the computer, so I thought I would post a few picture of what I ate Tuesday.

Breakfast was baked oatmeal with blackberries and walnuts.  This is how it looked dry.


Baked Oatmeal is one of my favorite breakfast cereals/foods.  I used to make it all the time, but stopped because the recipes I was using were full of oil, and I do mean FULL of oil.  I didn’t want all those calories, and my liver didn’t like all those saturated fats.  This recipe uses milk, egg, and about 3T of butter to create a whole pan (8×8) of moist, flavorful, hot breakfast that fills the house with a cinnamon aroma and calls everyone to the kitchen.  Yum!

For lunch, I had a chicken wrap Panini at a nearby restaurant, while hubs had a spicy Panini sandwich.  No picture of that to share, but it was likewise yummy. I ate part of the pickle spear that came with the whole wheat wrap, but left the chips on  the plate.

I’m a sugar addict, so savory and salty don’t call my name.

For supper, I ate this…


This is an 8 inch plate supper is served on, and the meal includes a half slice of whole wheat banana bread with mini chocolate chips, a handful of red grapes, a half cup of milk, and homemade stir fry, featuring cabbage, onion, bell pepper, garlic, potato, cauliflower, asparagus spears, chick peas, and tiny chunks of ham (about 1 cup to make 6 servings), with a lil bit of soy sauce over top.  I stir fried the veggies in a tablespoon of coconut oil, which is why it glistens so much.  The cup with the milk in it is a children size tumbler, so while it looks like there is more milk in it, it’s really only about 1/2 cup, maybe less.

I did 60 minutes on the bike after supper this night.  I was sore afterward, lower back issues, but it felt good to have gotten through the day with good eats and exercise behind me.  I was in bed by 10pm, and slept well.

I thought it would feel weird to blog about my food, and to share what I ate here, but it doesn’t feel that way.  At least not right now.  I’m trying everyday, to make changes that will last for a lifetime.  Learning how to portion my food, choose the right foods to heal my body, and abstain from eating too often can only benefit me in the long run.

What about you, what did you eat today?  Which foods make you feel full and satisfied? Which ones don’t?

Lovin’ the Loose Pants

This morning the scale was nice to me. DOWN 3.0 LBS, it said.  Woohoo!

…and there was much rejoicing!

All day long, whenever I have taken a walk away from my desk, I have had this sensation that my pants are loose.

All day!

Best day of 2014!

I have been using my new recumbent bike every night since it arrived. Last night I thought I might take a break and do some weight lifting instead, but I just couldn’t. I wanted on that bike, and I got on that bike. I only did half as many miles as I usually do–5 miles–but I could not not do it. Ya know what I mean?

Maybe a habit is starting to take hold. One can only hope. 🙂

Anyway, I did half the miles I have been doing because yesterday my left knee hurt. My solution was to cut back. Now, today, my heels hurt, on both feet. I think that came of trying to pedal quicker, more frantically, in order to do more miles in less time on the bike.

There is definitely a learning curve to this.

000learning curve

My learning curve looks something like that, I’m afraid.

The good news for today:  I was able to burn a little over 200 calories on the bike last night even though I cut back, and I’m feeling good about that.  I think my heels are hurting because I burned most of those frantic calories by placing the balls of my feet on the pedals and letting my heels hang off the ends. I was sock-footed at the time. Next time I will wear shoes.  I have problems with PF, so I need to watch my positioning, I guess.

I photographed my food last night and this morning, and was determined that I was going to post those photos to the blog today, but as luck would have it the camera will not sync with the computer today. Sooo, no pics for you!  I’m a tad bit shy about sharing them anyway, but I think I need to, at least for a little while.  Maybe it will only be once or twice. I haven’t decided yet.  We’ll see.  My puter says the synchronization problem is probably due to the fact that my camera has a low battery.  I will charge it and see if the sync will work tomorrow or Friday.  Right now, I’m basking in the feel of loose slacks and a 3 lb loss.

Yeah, the plan works if you work it!

How do loose pants or a loose shirt make you feel?  What happened on your “best day of 2014?” 

Reporting, Reluctance, and Readiness

000reporterI may have shared it here before, I report my food as a way to stay on track.  I report to a friend who is working to lose weight too.  I do this because I need accountability regarding what I eat, and I know my reporting my food helps her be more aware of her own eating. The habit fosters mindful eating for both of us. When I am reporting, I am thinking about what I eat, before I eat it. And when I report my food I don’t have to count calories–at least that’s the deal I have made with myself prior to this past week.  Now, even though I hate counting calories, I have found that I must count calories AND report my food to stay on track and keep the scale moving downward.  Boo, Hiss, Blurg!

And, Ugh!

Can I say that again?


I hate despise counting calories, but I have a few things going on with me medically that make it ubber important that I control caloric intake, plus I urgently need to finally put this food obsession behind me–or at least move it out-of-the-way so that I don’t have to think about it every minute of every day.

I also need to exercise.  I can’t walk right now (Plantar Fasciitis and temperatures near 2 degrees F in PA), but I can cycle, so I’ve bought a recumbent bike.  The bike is now sitting in my living room and each night I do between 30 and 60 minutes of cycling while I read, watch TV, or talk with my family members.  Sometimes I use free weights while I bike, for a double workout.  So far, so good, except for the fact that I have not lost any weight.

You can read about that here.

I have visited other blogs that incorporate food photos into their writing.  I think I may begin doing this, but I have to say that some sensations of hesitancy surface when I think about doing so.  Or maybe unwillingness is a better word.  It feels more revealing to me to photograph my food and share that part of me with readers of this blog.  I don’t know why.  Maybe because it means I will be forced to strip off another layer of the disease of compulsive eating I have been hiding behind for years.

But I want to recover.

I want to lose weight.

I hate counting calories, but…

I want to see the number on the scale go down.

Come on, L, get with the program!

To get past my resistance, I am making this picture-taking a part of my current intentions list.

I intend to photograph what I eat for the rest of this week, and share those pics with my friend first, then maybe here.  We’ll see how it goes.  The good news: This morning I stepped on the scale and was down 1.5 lbs.  See I thought it was water weight that was hanging me up, from the homemade soup last week. But last night I wondered if the advil I had taken for a few nights might be a culprit, too.  I didn’t take the advil last night and this morning, Voila, the scale had moved once again.  Of course, I really closely watched what I ate yesterday too, and we know that helps.

I’m experimenting right now…looking for that mix of concepts/techniques/strategies that will spell SUCCESS for me.  If you have any thoughts, share freely. I’m always open to suggestion, which is why fast food commercials worked on me for so many years.  😉

What about you?  Do you find yourself resistant to suggestions that could spell SUCCESS for your weight loss efforts?  Why or why not?

Everytime I Start to Exercise

DSC_0775I’ll tell you what, I have never seen it to fail; I begin a new exercise program and I gain weight!

What’s up with that?

I have had a couple of people suggest that the weight gain (only 2 lbs, but still…), is a result of my building muscle, instead of fat.


I haven’t been doing it that long.

No, I think the weight gain is a result of bad food choices, extra salt in my diet, and not drinking enough water.

I made homemade soup this past week, and I ate it several days in a row. It was yummy, and good for me except for the salt in the broth. I used canned broth, cuz I work too many hours outside the home to make my own. Even on the weekends, I just don’t have the time to cook down a chicken or veggies, plus making my own would be EXpensive. I know I could find the time, and I could make it a priority in my budget, but I’m not there yet, so it doesn’t happen.

Anyway, the soup was salty, and I have not been drinking as much as I should. I think those two factors, more than any other, are responsible for the weight gain.

I think.

I’m also struggling with a bread obsession right now. Ugh. Do these challenges ever disappear?

Today, I’m watching very carefully what I eat, how many calories are in it–yes, I am counting again and I HATE it–and I’m tracking my fluid intake with the same friend I report my food to on a daily basis. She needs to drink more too, and not coffee!

I have the bike, I’m doing the work, I’m watching what I eat…I have got to lose some weight soon, right?!


Just say RIGHT!!!

And please, be emphatic. I need the encouragement about now.


It’s here, it’s here–the new bike is here!


I’m so excited.


Last night I had a meeting and got home late, but by the time I got home the bike was put together for me and ready to roll. I did 23 minutes before bed.


This morning I did another 5 minutes before leaving for work in the morning. I know, I know, I will make a plan and find a way to do more in the morning. I’m hoping between this and other activities I have planned for spring I’ll be able to move the scale down a few clicks soon!


Isn’t she a beauty?

Oh, Spring, where are you?!

It was so cold this morning; 1 degree F outside when I left the house for work.  That’s cold, but it’s also a combination of weather that creates beauty.  This is what the river that runs behind my office looked like this morning.















Last night, at the meeting of my support group, one individual shared a challenge. She asked, “What would you be willing to do to get recovery from food addiction? Would you be willing to push a penny up Keystone Avenue if you knew that would gain you the recovery that you seek?”

Sounds silly, doesn’t it?

My first reaction was, “How far up Keystone Avenue do I have to push it? And do I have to do it in the snow?”

That’s me, the pragmatic skeptic. 🙂

Her question got me thinking though. I’ll bet if I accepted her challenge and I pushed that penny up Keystone Avenue, all the way up Keystone Avenue, I would learn a lot through the experience. I’d learn about:



Targeted action


Proper methods for snow removal


How to Push a Penny through snow with a Cane


The Worth of a Penny, properly pushed


The Value of Recovery!

Her question harkened back to another time, in another meeting, when someone offered a similar challenge. Again the question was asked, “What would you do for your recovery?” But this time, the challenge had a different twist.

“If I told you that you could have recovery if you were willing to run down the main street of Ithaca nude, would you do it?”

I thought for a minute and said, “Nope. I can’t run!”

Funny stuff, hunh? But true. At 315 lbs, I couldn’t run. Forget running naked, I couldn’t run, period.  Today, I think I could handle the run, but I’m not so sure I could handle the nudidity.  Yeah, pretty sure that would be a deal breaker for me.

What about you, what would you be willing to do to lose the weight?