Two Faced

Have you ever looked in the mirror and said, “Who is that?” I had one of those moments today. It happened at work. I seriously was taken aback by my own reflection. Who was that girl? Where did she come from?  Why was her face so narrow? I don’t know why today, but for some reason today was the day I noticed how much weight I have lost.

000 2 facedIt’s so strange having two faces. In my mind, and when my eyes are closed, I see this round face, with full cheeks and a turned-up nose. A cute girl, but a chubby girl. The girl of my youth.  Yet, in the mirror, there is another woman looking back at me. She’s older, wiser (that part is good), and thinner. It’s surreal. Really, surreal.

Lately, I have been able to buy “normal sized” tops. Not mediums, but not XL, XXL, and XXXL either.  I almost can’t believe it.  It’s been decades since I could buy off the rack fashions that were meant for “normal-sized” women.


Still, this feels really weird to me.

I think one of the biggest things I struggle with trying to get healthy is body image. At my age, and maybe any age when you’ve been so far overweight, skin sags and bags. It’s not pretty, and it’s not sexy, but its the new me. Today, I look different from what I did two years ago, five years ago, twenty years ago, and the amazing thing is that I am okay with it. Maybe not completely comfortable, but okay. When I run into women in my home town who graduated high school with me, and I see how their tiny frames morphed into something that looks like a gramma’s body, I think, “I’m not doing too bad.” 🙂 It feels good.

Truth is, I feel better than I did in my thirties, and I attribute that feeling and the way my body responds to sickness and injury to the fact that I am eating to live these days, instead of living to eat.

I’m 4.6 lbs down in weight since the week before Thanksgiving and looking for another couple of pounds to drop before Christmas. I would love to report to you that I have gone down 10 lbs and another pant size by New Year’s. Here’s hoping I can do it…one healthy meal at a time!