A few days ago I blogged about the days when I thought I was unique. Since that time I have been thinking about that and other fantasies that kept me from realizing my dreams. I included in that recent post the truth about me, that when I thought I was unique in the problems I faced with food, I was only fooling myself. It was time the games ended. Time I realized what I was up against.
Listen, I’ve lost weight before. Hasn’t every woman? I’ve been on tons of diets. Again, hasn’t every woman? I’ve felt good about my efforts to get healthy, and I’ve felt bad about my efforts, but always, at the point when I realized I was out of control again, I felt like a loser. Isn’t that weird?
You’d think I would have felt like a gainer, wouldn’t you?
Regaining weight that has taken months to lose is no laughing matter. It’s sad, and it leads to more binge eating. At least in my experience it did. I gained weight, so I ate. I ate, so I gained weight. I tried to diet, so that I could keep on eating. Isn’t that insane?
Go ahead, admit it is. I already know it.
Yo yo in yo yo dieting is precisely that maddening cycle of losing, gaining, losing, gaining, and losing again, only to gain again.
Oh, for heaven’s sake, get me off this merry-go-round.
It wasn’t until I found a support group that deals with weight issues that I began to see any long-term success with my weight loss. I can’t say enough good things about these sorts of groups. When I felt like the rest of the world thought I had two heads, they understood. Thank God for them. The persistent love and acceptance of the group coming my way made me less offended when things got shared that I needed to hear. I heard and I became convinced that I needed to try harder.
For the first time I was losing and not regaining. For the first time, my scales steadily went down, down, down.
Until it didn’t any more. I had plateaued.
It was time to understand that past success did not insulate me from future disease. If I had kept losing, I wholeheartedly believe I would not have gotten diabetes, but I got fat and sassy, and sat on my considerable laurels, and strike it did. The ball was thrown, Big D caught a break, and hit me hard, before laying me low. That was two years ago. What was an eye-opener. It was time to step up my game.
I had lost about 75 lbs by the time 2011 rolled around, and more importantly, kept it off. Then, my weight went up a lil bit. Than another lil bit. Soon, I had gained 30 lbs and was having a tough time getting it off. No doubt, the increased blood sugar helped it hang on so long.
It was at this point that the Big D found me. In all likelihood, it was 30 pounds before it really hit (but as is true with many American, I went undiagnosed for a while). I should have been proactive at that time, but you know how it goes. You get lackadaisical with food. You find comfort in food. You don’t want
your food your comfort to go away, so you keep eating. Only God knows how long you keep eating. By the time I found that I had diabetes, my poor liver and pancreas had been through some rough days.
What does that have to do with uniqueness and the isolation that comes from food addiction and thinking I’m special? A lot. I am not special. I am not unique. There are millions of people across the globe who are suffering from a myriad of illnesses related to obesity right now-today-this minute. Some of them don’t know yet, but they will. I am no different from them. They are no different from me. Feeling unique about our struggles only delays our recovery. I feel strongly about that, so I’m writing about it again today.
If my story sounds eerily similar to mine, than please…
Don’t keep yourself from making a change.
Don’t isolate your life away.
Don’t tell yourself there is nothing you can do. Nothing beyond food.
Invite others into your experience and tell them what you need, plainly.
Allow them to love you at whatever weight you are when you start your journey.
Help them help you to get better–the best way to get better is together.
Stop relying on food for companionship, love, comfort, reassurance. God meant for people to meet those needs.
Believe in yourself. If you don’t know how, watch others who seem to have developed the knack and follow their lead. Where the mind and intentions go, the heart and body will follow.
Please don’t give up.
Give your organs, your back, your mind, your joints, your bones, your flesh, your soul and your hopes what they need to survive.
If I can do this, you can. Let’s do it together. You encourage me, and I’ll encourage you.
Stop the madness.
Together, we can do what we could never do alone–RECOVER!