For me, the world is viewed through the tip of a pencil. I’m a writer. I’ve always been a writer. I write as a means of understanding my world. I write to refine my thinking. I write to dispel confusion. I write to express my opinions, and I write in an effort to know myself. It is therefore quite reasonable that when trying to regulate my eating and gain control over an overactive appetite, I would find food journaling helpful.
On second thought, maybe helpful is not the word I’m searching for when commenting on how writing assists my recovery from food addictions.
Is it helpful that my writing points out eating behaviors that are self-sabotaging?
Is it helpful that my writing exposes tendencies to crave food at certain times of the day that are not meal times?
Is it helpful that through writing I’m able to identify certain people/activities as eating triggers that result in the urge to eat throughout the day on holidays or when office parties are set to occur?
Yes, yes it is.
This morning, I was writing about my food program. More precisely, my inability to change-up things in the morning. I know I need to cut my calorie count in the early part of the day, but doggone, I am unwilling to embrace fruits and veggies, or even eggs at that breakfast meal. I don’t now why I am so resistant to do something I know would help me beat the breakfast carb habit. I just know that at this point, I am totally unwilling to change what I know is not working for me.
Ugh, this is the face of food addiction. It’s ugly, and demoralizing, and hard.
I don’t approach food the way normal eaters approach food. For some reason, food has a hold on me, and right now it seems like it is a greater hold than any other hold I have ever experienced in my life. It may be that it feels that way because the habit of eating what I want, when I want, is still with me (even after losing considerable weight over considerable time).
Stopping a bad habit is never easy, but I guess I was not prepared for it to be this hard either. I’m a pretty determined individual. When I make my mind up that something is bad for me, I quit it, whether it’s a toxic relationship or a bank that wants to charge me a fee for moving my money from one account to another, within my own institution.
Recently, I heard it said that learning how to play the piano, dance, sing, or move a ball through a metal hoop when that hoop is well over your head, is not about growing a concert pianist, ball room dancer, American Idol winners, or NBA star. It’s about teaching someone to hang in there when the going gets tough, knowing that if you don’t give up, you will cross that finish line. It’s about building mental toughness, determination, achievement and self-pride into another person. Finally, I see.
If I hang in there, keep writing, keep journaling, keep researching, and learning, and accepting wise counsel, I will get where I’m going.