A Pocket Full of Change

Change is possible. I believe that, which is why I’m attempting to get fit and improve my health this year. CHANGE IS NOT EASY. Change does not come about instantaneously. Change takes hard work, self-discipline, and the desire to see one’s dreams come to pass during one’s lifetime.

Change INSISTS THAT I LEAVE BEHIND OLD HABITS and that I attempt new things. Change demands that I get off the couch, into the world, and away from the food. Change suggests that I will find comfort in new and perhaps uncomfortable ways. Isn’t that crazy?

Sometimes, I like change.

More often, I hate change.

Almost always, I FEAR CHANGE.

When I am afraid, I remind myself that courage is not the absence of fear. Rather, courage is facing your fears and moving through them to a better place.

Of what am I afraid? The usual: That I won’t be able to do what I’ve set out to do…that in not doing what I have set out to do I will be labeled a loser…an Un-Done Loser. I’M AFRAID THAT I WILL NEVER REACH MY GOAL WEIGHT, which is sixty scary pounds below the weight I am now. I’m afraid that I cannot survive on 1500 calories a day, a number I have yet to achieve. This is a real fear for me. Silly, right, but a real fear nonetheless.

I’m afraid that if I don’t get a handle on my FOOD ADDICTION it is going to put me in an early grave.

Just this morning I had a rather scary thought. What if I lose all the weight I want to lose and then get cancer and die.  What does one thing have to do with the other, my clear-minded self asks?  Nothing, but these are the thoughts that I have to deal with every time I try to push the scales down past a certain point.

I try to mitigate my fears each day by doing something that supports my health and fitness goals. I journal my food, sometimes weighing and measuring. I eat whole grains and raw fruits and vegetables. I read blogs that talk about how to GET FIT THE RIGHT WAY. I take a B12 tablet every day, along with additional vitamin D. I read books that teach me how to pair proteins. I ask close friends to “pray about my food and that I can keep losing.,  A lot of people know I have food issues, but not many know to what extent those food issues disrupt my daily living. I don’t share such personal details with my friends or associates, because I fear that they will want to either become the food police for me, or will be as discouraged as I am when weeks go by and I lose a mere three pounds, maybe.

Will it always be this scary, I wonder?

What scares you about losing weight? Have you had times when you felt numbed by your fears? What strategies do you employ to get you past your fears and faithfully moving forward?

2 thoughts on “A Pocket Full of Change

  1. Fear is a little talked about component of weight loss and I think it is very valid to be fearful. I was fearful of failing again and being embarrassed over having to explain to my friends what happened to the latest diet. Good for you on thinking about this – don’t let fear get in your way.

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